Not by Works

Our house is currently a disaster. I decided to use my break from nursing school to paint the living room now that the horrid border is down (many thanks to my wonderful mother-in-law for helping me take it down)! Somehow projects that I think will be easy and quick end up being much more complicated and take forever to complete. This seems to be a theme in my life recently. Here's a brief look at my to-do/wish list:

• Organize the laundry room so that clothes don't always end up on the floor
• Get better about washing clothes more regularly so Kent and I aren't running out of clothes all the time
• Experiment with my dehydrator (if anyone has a good fruit leather recipe let me know!)
• Scrapbook the huge pile of pictures I've been saving
• Order my wedding pictures for the photo album (it's going on two years overdue!)
• Blog more often, journal more often, read more often (nursing textbooks don't count)
• Re-break in my running shoes. I think they forgot what they were made for...

I'm realizing that some of these things, because they don't demand to get done (like studying for a nursing exam) they just fall off my radar. I then proceed to get frustrated with myself when I haven't done them. At some point I'm going to have to realize that I can pursue the idea of the woman that I want to be, but that I most likely will miss that picture by a loooong shot on a daily basis.

I want so much out of life, but there is a constant need to reconcile what one wants and what one gets. I am learning patience and contentment, or more accurate would that I am TRYING to learn these things. The more I examine my thoughts, motives and desires, the more I realize that I have such a prideful mind and a sense of entitlement that should not be there. Thank God for His grace and mercy! I need it by the truckloads.

..."For by GRACE you have been saved, through faith, and THIS NOT OF YOURSELVES, it is the GIFT of God, so that no one can boast." Eph 2:8-9

I love how you can hear a verse hundreds of times and yet get something new or different out of it each time. Right now these verses from Ephesians are a gentle reminder of the fact that God does not love or accept me based on my performance in life, or accomplishments. Therefore I need not worry about what I do or do not get done or how well I do something! God is so different from the world. The world puts so much pressure on our performance, but God just wants us to trust Him! Our God is so good!

God is continually teaching me not only about Him, but who I am in Him. My desire is that I will always be open to learn the lessons He has for me.

Here I am LORD!

Doing the "Java"

"Thanks! That looks amazing!" I told Maris as she handed me my lunch at one of my favorite hometown coffee shops, Bluestem Bistro, which I stubbornly continue to call by it's former name, Java. Today the music of choice playing overhead is Jamaican, creating a lively, and yet not too upbeat atmosphere. I was lucky today and was able to grab my favorite table in the back corner. I love this spot because it has a big, black table on which I can spread out my books, an outlet for my computer charger, and a good, but not too distracting view of people as they come and go.

My to-do list was to finish my section for a group paper due this week, working on a blueprint for a test, and going through today's quite time for a church Bible study. The paper for class had the topic of kangaroo care, has fascinated me as I've prepared for the paper. Kangaroo care is a holding technique between a parent and their infant with skin to skin contact. This is usually seen done with preemie infants and the effects of this care is amazing. Just last week a story was featured on MSN about a mother who held her infant who had been pronounced dead by the physician. As she held her infant she starting noticing movement and after some time the infant starting making subtle noises. It was proclaimed a miracle, through the motherly instinct to hold and cradle her infant, this mom breathed and willed life back into here baby!

In between moments of productivity I find myself distracted with conversations with friends who wandered in for coffee, study time, or hangout time with friends. Seeing the familiar faces of old friends is so comforting and reminds me how much I love that feeling of being "known" and connected. While I know that it takes time to gain these same feelings in a new town, I often find myself feeling impatient waiting for this to happen in Salina. Getting connected isn't something that just happens though, it is something that must be worked at, something to invest in. A phrase God has let run through my mind the past couple of weeks is that "you must get in to get out". At first I didn't know what He wanted me to learn from this unusual phrase, but it dawned on me while sitting here - what I invest into something will affect how much I'm able to take out of it. I need to jump in, no, dive in! While I might have been born into my social network in Manhattan, I must create my own in Salina. I need to find my own "Java" and social networks in my new home....so here I go!

Rocks

For some reason I have always been fascinated by rocks. Kent has made fun of me countless time for suddenly stooping down to pick up a rock in the middle of walk or hike. It's just amazing to me how there can be billions and billions of rocks out there, but that they are all different. Some may be made up of similar materials, but still they are laid out in a unique pattern. What usually catches my eyes are the colors. This summer hiking through the mountains to the sand dunes let me see such beautiful rocks. Purple, blue, green, teal, brown, and yellow rocks.

This Sunday's sermon was about us viewing Christ as our Rock and our Fortress. Pastor Doug had pictures projected with different well known rock formations. He talked about the permenance of these structures and because of that how throughout history they have barely changed. In the same way God does not change, no matter how much the world changes through time. That got me thinking about how much I desire and need to be a rock myself. Being a rock to me means knowing who I am in Christ and not changin that for anyone. I once heard it described that we should aim to be rocks that others are crashed against in the storms of life. I had to think about that for quite some time, but I've come to realize that that's so true. I want to be someone that challenges others, and sometimes that may mean that I feel the waves crashing up against me, but I want to hold strong.

I don't want to be just any rock though. There are so many rocks out there. The beautiful glittering diamond, granite with it's many colors, or rose quartz with its soft welcoming glow. I want to be fashioned off of the same rock that my Lord is Savior is made of. A chip off of the old block as they say. Rocks aren't very good at hiding, not big rocks anyway. I want to be a bold image an the landscape. Something that people can recognize and find solace in. I don't want to change for the world. I want the world to see me and see Christ. I want the world to see me and want to become a rock for Christ themselves.

I am listening to Shawn McDonald's "Here I Am", which is coincidentally the name of my blog. This song so beautiful sums up what I feel right now. "Here I am tonight, with my arms open wide...I'm in need of your love...I need you." God is, as David put it so perfectly, our "Rock and Fortress." He hides us in the secret place (Psalm 31).

A Might Fortress is Our God
A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing;
Our helper He, amid the flood of mortal ills prevailing:
For still our ancient foe doth seek to work us woe;
His craft and power are great, and, armed with cruel hate,
On earth is not his equal.

On the road again....and again....and again....

Home at last! At least for a while...

This summer has been filled with adventures on the road. Kent and I were reflecting the other day that within six months time we will have been in six states: Arkansas, Missouri, Kansas, Colorado, Oklahoma, and Washington! For someone who has not been a huge traveler, this is quite an accomplishment haha.

Though the road has been fun, I'm very relieved to be at home, although the "coming home and unpacking" part is not that wonderful. Kent helped me put together some much needed shelves in the storage room yesterday. They are perfect! I now have a wonderful pantry area in the storage room and have finally cleaned out most of the boxes that were in there. We are also excited that we now have a deep freezer. Now I can freeze leftovers, and Kent's favorite part is that we can buy in bulk at Sam's Club. I get such a kick out of him at that store. He's like a little kid, running around to see what cool deals we can get!

Now that we are back home I'm hoping to get back into my routine of working out of the YMCA. I've become addicted to their spin and yoga classes. Kent doesn't have his own membership right now, so he asks me to teach him what I've learned. The problem is that he likes to improvise the moves to fit his own style. You should ask him to show you his warrior yoga moves! They are quite entertaining! His family filled the role of audience at Horn Creek last week during his yoga session :) Watching his outstretched arms moving in windmill movements, legs bent in all directions, and super-concentrated face as he moved to his indian flute music had me bent over in laughter many times. To be fair, he is acutally getting quite good, he just likes to clown it up a bit!

Well, I know this is a short post, but I've got to get caught up on the rest of my life I've left behind since vacationing! Time to work!

Paths

How fast time flies by! It seems like only a month ago that I was walking down the aisle, my eyes fixed on my soon-to-be-husband. We have now been married for one year and almost a day...and time keeps right on ticking. At this rate, what may feel like a week to us, will have been four years. Kent and I may or may not be in the same town, I'll be working as a nurse, he'll be teaching and working on his masters. And who know? Maybe there will be a little one or two running around.

The funny thing is, if you would have asked me five years ago where I would be today, my story would have been very different, but God's story as we are often reminded, is always the better one. My best guess five years ago would have had me running my own interior design business, with probably one or two kids already, and living in in Colorado somewhere. Now I laugh at the very idea! God sees far beyond our own limited sight. Where he sees a clear path for me, I so often see trails branching to the left and right, many of which look just as good as the other. And yet, as I learned in Bible study this past week, he's not content to always have it this way. Though there's not always a distinct "wrong" path, there's always a better one. He desires for us to actively seek his will, so that he can share his many blessing with us. We can experience the blessing of the Promised Land now as Beth Moore said in the Bible study video, or we can choose to do things our way and wander around in the wilderness for 40 years. I don't know about you, but want to experience the Promised Land now. It's often hard for me to fathom though, that God can have more blessings for me, when I feel that I am so blessed already. How can God want to give me more? Why? Because I am his own. As it says in James 4:5 "He jealously desires the Spirit that he made to dwell in us". He wants to have the relationship with me that a father has with his child.

In another five years I am sure I will once again be surprised by how differently life has taken Kent and I from what we imagined, but it's my desire that I will be able to look back and know with certainty that we both sought God's will while trying to choose what paths to go on. I'm looking forward to many more years to experience God's goodness with my wonderful husband!

Ownership

We have lived in our house for six months now. It's been such a blessing, but the reality of the responsbility that comes with it has already hit us hard. Going on last minute trips takes a bit more planning now...will the grass need to be mowed or the flowers watered? What about picking up the mail? There is also the home ownership part, if it breaks you fix it or pay to fix it (which we quickly realized is not cheap when the a/c wouldn't start). There's no longer someone else to pass that responsibility on to - it's all on us. Oh yeah (can you pick up on the sarcasm?)

There are also many wonderful things though about owning a house. I've loved the feeling of being connected to something more permanent, something that will hopefully be a part of our lives for some time. Getting to know our neighbors has also been a fun adventure. Across the street are Matt and Jessica and their four beautiful daughter. The middle girl, who is 3 calls me Beba. She loves yelling for me to come over and watch her throw balls, stomp on bugs, and throw rocks (I think her dad is training her to be the boy he doesn't have lol)! To the north of us our the wonderful Hal and Lana. They have modeled what it looks like to be a good neighbor from day one, whether it's taking our trash can to the curb for us, or letting our dog out during the days I'm gone for 12 hours. I could go on and on about the amazing people that have living around us, but I don't want to bore you.

We've tackled a few painting projects in the house (the lime green room and the bubble gum pink room were the priorities), and now I'm starting to work on the living room. There is what I'm sure someone thought to be a lovely country border that trails along the top of the wall. I've spent maybe 2 1/2 hours so far working on the border, and maybe have 8 feet of border removed. What a pain! It's coming off in three horrible layers. First there's the vinyl layer that only comes off in two inch sections. Next is the paper layer that thankfully is fairly easy to remove. And lastly there's this awful sticky layer(must be the glue) that I spend most of the time working on. I told Kent yesterday that we will never EVER use borders, if even just to save someone else the trouble of removing it. He made a joke, as only Kent does and says that I'm on "border" patrol haha.

So there's a peek at one dimension of our lives now. Now that we've been blessed with a house, I hope that we can bless others through it. So please come visit us! We love to have visitors!

Time with the Family

I got to spend some wonderful time with my hubby this weekend! He's been back home at his parent's working at a tree farm for the past couple of weeks...leaving me all lonely at home. Luckily Juliet is constantly attention deprived (or so she thinks) and doesn't leave my side, reminding me that I'm not alone.

While Kent was here we watched Duplicity, a rather confusing movie for my tired brain, but it had some interesting plot twists. A trip to Target was also on the agenda that had us leaving the store with a soccer ball in honor of the World Cup. I am determined to get Kent to kick the ball around with me some. It's taking some convincing! To complement the soccer ball was an soccer t-shirt that says "Italia, futbol campeones". We also went to eat at the Scheme, a pizza restaurant here in Salina. Our hamburger and canadian bacon pizza was dripping with chessy goodness, hot out of the oven. Anyone stopping by in Salina should definitely try out their pizza!

For Father's Day, I sadly parted ways with Kent to go to my parent's house while he went back to his. This is starting to feel like our dating days once again. I had some good reflection in the car for the one hour drive about family. What does it mean to be a family and to spend time with each other? I marveled at how God chose to put people together into families and how we can learn so much about not only one another through our family but also learn about God through it. God is referred to as a Father. But he's not just any father, He's the ultimate role model of what a father should be: provider, protector, care-giver, faithful, etc etc. So on this Father's Day, should we not only honor our earthly fathers, but also our heavenly one?

Deuteronomy 1:29-31
Then I said to you, "Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place."